Confessions of a Wounded Heart. Dear / To : W

" Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go

What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And I don't even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So I'm picking up the pieces, now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again. "

If i were there to sing it to you,

i hope you would understand,

how much that actually hurt when you said that,

i had never ever blamed you,

in fact i took all the blame myself,

and it sucks when no one sees it,

but i keep it all to myself,

bottling everything up like i always do,

and over those sleepless nights,

im not here trying to say that you're talking about me there,

just wanted to make sure you get it right,

if you wanted to leave i won't stand in your way,

but leave without making any mistaken statements,

i was crazy about you no doubt,

i only wanted you to be the happiest person everyday,

every night sleep with a smile on your face.

Whatever it is,

whatever you said,

i gave it a thought,

and yeah i guess partially you're right,

but i will change i promise,

if only you'll come back to see a new me,

but if you don't i won't blame you at all,

i never did,

i'll just carry this valuable lesson along with me,

for the rest of my life,

knowing that i lost a friend like you this way,

punctures my heart and tear my chest wide open,

yeah like you said,

i deserve it,

thought you made a change,

a difference in my life and recovery,

i was always smiling because of you,

i'm sorry.

I wrote songs and melodies about you,

but its never gonna bring you back,

If you ever wanna come back,

its up to you,

I've already said what i have to say,

did what i have to do.

Im torn wide open.

Please at least just try to read this and understand my position,

I've been thinking about how to write this for the past four nights,

four sleepless nights filled with hell and mind-wracking thoughts.

But overall,

Thank you so much,

for showing me this,

and thanks for the memories.

I will always miss you,

knowing that you were such a good friend.

Im not sure if i know what it takes to move on cos',

the hardest part of the end is starting again.

love, -ks forever and always.